It Sounded Better in my Head by Nina Kenwood

Hey, at least I'm posting! Here's another one from my amazing YA literature class! Spoiler - I loved it. 

Kenwood, N. It Sounded Better in my Head. (2020), New York, NY: Flatiron Books. 

Ages 12-18 according to Amazon. Who doesn’t trust Amazon?

This was a pure delight and likely to be a shoe-in for my school’s summer reading list. I may just end up making my summer reading list based on the books that I read in this class. (Other than the ones that haven’t been on my list in the past - Ooh, foreshadowing!) 

I was a fat girl during my teen years. (Well, during my whole life. But I like being a fat lady. It is cozy.) Being a fat teen is perhaps not quite as traumatic as having aggressively cystic acne, but it is a close second. So much of what Natalie said, did and thought brought me back to my late teens. While I didn’t get that much thinner between high school and college, I gained the confidence to recognize that I wasn’t the hideous beast I had been led to believe I was. 

But I digress. 

It is hard for me to believe that this is Kenwood’s first novel because her writing is so surefooted. I should probably be persecuted for all the dog-earring I did to mark quotes. But mark quotes I did. And here they are in context for your enjoyment. 

When getting dropped off by her mom, Natalie says she might be having sex that night. In part, she wants to freak her mom out for revenge, but she also realized that saying it is a step on the way to doing it and that other people might just look at her and think, “This person could feasibly have sex with someone. “ (p.26)

At the party they start playing a drinking game. She thinks, “I’ve never actually seen a drinking game played before, so I’m quite fascinated. I cross my legs on the chair and settle in. It feels anthropological.” (p.43)

I just love her inner life. She says, “Everyone knows you can’t really trust any feeling you have at night - and the later the hour , the less trustworthy it is. Anything you feel after ten p.m. is suspect, anything after midnight should be discounted altogether.” (p.52)

There are some desperately teenaged truths as well. “I hate that desperate clutch of hope before you turn your phone over and then the feeling of sick disappointment when nothing is there.” (p.75)

Her “Don’t Let Me Die!” prayer is a hoot all the way around. Particularly, “Don’t let me die before I launch my podcast series about current teens watching old teen shows from the nineties.” (p.93) I would listen to that podcast! 

Her rumination about what she wants to look like when Alex sees her on the beach made me laugh out loud. “ I would be simply walking along, lost in my own deep thoughts, beautiful but oblivious to my beauty. Like footage from The Bachelorette, when they’re reflecting on the lead’s journey as an emotionally troubled but extremely desirable woman looking for True Love. Except I would be thinking about important things, like housing affordability and climate change and healthcare.” (p. 107)

When she is feeling raw about her mother potentially dating again she is classically teenagedly passive aggressive, but it doesn’t make her feel better. And then she learns an inevitable truth, “I feel like I want to cry but tears don’t come. I scream into a pillow, which feels good the first time I do it but very over-the-top the second time.” (p.169)

Her explanation of how her standards of who she would have sex with evolved is heartbreaking, as well as relatable to anyone who grew up a fat girl, “When I was younger, I thought I wouldnt’ have sex with anyone unless they loved me with an all consuming movie-star love. Then I got bad skin and I changed my stance – maybe the person didn’t have to love me, they just had to like me a whole lot and have really good shoulders. Or like me a little bit. Or be willing to look at my face without making fun of me. Or just be simply willing.” (p. 198-9)

She speaks another truth when Vanessa is about to hurl in the car, “I’m sure teachers get drunk all the time.” (p. 235) As a long-time educator, I have found this to be quite accurate. 

I love it when the author can distill the message of their book in a way that is appealing without being preachy and Kenwood beautifully navigates it during the Zach’s-apology scene, “Alex can’t be the hero who saves me from my low self-esteem. It goes against every feminist narrative I’ve ever read, every lesson I learned at my progressive all girls school, every positive, healthy, empowering message I’ve ever seen someone share on Instagram. A woman saves herself. Be the hero of your own story. Be Katniss, not Bella. Even though I always related to Bella's angst more than Katniss’s trauma.” (p.249) Nailed it! 

As I said previously, the strength of this novel is the unerring ear for teenaged thoughts. It also introduced me to such concepts as Tim Tams and Icy Poles, for which I am grateful.