BIG DEAL by Janet Lambert

I have done a disservice to Buff and Bobo. If you don't recognize the names, that is because I only gave them the most cursory of introductions in the post on CINDA . They are the younger siblings of Cinda Hollister and they are kind of adorable. Buff is very girly and likes being perfect and getting attention, Bobo is lazy and only helps out when it serves his purposes. For some reason I hated the slow rollout of Tippy and Bobby Parrish in the Penny books (well, probably because Bobby ended up being Bobby) but I love how B&B get a little more nuanced in each of the Cinda books. I hope we get to see them become more the focus of the stories as the Hollister saga continues. 

I also neglected to mention a HUGE plot point when I wrote up FLY AWAY CINDA, the second installment. Cinda's best friend is Kitty Lou who is described thusly in BIG DEAL - "All the adults in Glenvale agreed that Kitty Lou would be a 'raving, tearing beauty in a few years,' so she constantly prepared for that breath-stopping time. She couldn't eat chocolate fudge sundaes with whipped cream on top lest lumps of gat appear in the wrong places; and because she looked like a blond, blue-eyed fairy who could easily turn into a dimpled cherub if she weren't careful of her calories, she often glared enviously over her lemonade at Cinda, who could eat anything and never gain a pound." Which is a little harsh and fat-shamey, but describes Kitty-Lou perfectly.

Anyway, in the last book Kitty-Lou had a big crush on Page, the BMOC. He was an entitled rich-boy who liked to play chicken on the highway. Cinda figured out how lame he was right away, but KL wasn't as lucky and ended up getting in to a serious crash while out riding with him. He tried to blame it on her and only Cinda's father's detective work and lawyering skills got him his just desserts - which were loss of license and boarding school. It was kind of a big deal (Get it? Hee...) and I'm surprised that I left it out of the recap. Anyway, it shows up in this one and will just tell you up front that Page is sorry and Kitty Lou is forgiving. Which is nice.

This book has two main arcs. The first is that the town is expanding and the Hollisters' amazing and overwrought house is going to be right in the middle of the new commercial district. A hospital wants to buy it, but where is the family going to move? Well, it turns out they are going to move to an awesome new house that is a little bit more richie-rich, but also further out of town. Cinda, because she is a little goofball, gets her parents to let her move the old fashioned stained glass window that she loves to the new house so all is well. Lambert illustrates this expansion and the impact quite neatly.

The second arc is that because of the move, the Hollisters are unable to go to the shore and are thus stuck at home for the summer. Cinda is bored and decides to put on a show. I love the whole "Let's put on a show!" vibe and there's all kinds of excitement. Cinda is a born organizer and they end up using the proceeds to buy a wheelchair for a "poor crippled girl". I have to say that Cinda is pretty modern in her desire to have Thelma be part of the fun rather than just an object of pity. Well done, Cinda.

In my earlier Lambert reads, I would take copious notes and now I do not, and frankly, it shows. So now I am just dog ear-ing pages of interest and then later trying to figure out why. Here are what I think are the things I want to remember.

• At one point Kitty-Lou calls Cinda and Paul "crazy squares" and this slang feels so awkward that I just loved it. 
• Cinda doesn't want to go to "the club" because the pool there is full of "ancients who think the 'younger set' as they call us, has no right to be in it." Oh, that intergenerational conflict!
• Paul and Cinda talk about their futures and Cinda says, "People get married, you know. Men go off to their jobs and women stay home to theirs." Yikes!
• When the kids are trying to come up with a name for the show someone says "Teen-Age Frolic" and Paul says, "I think the Frolic part's good. I don't go for the Teen-Age, though. This teen-age business has been run in the ground." Yes, the phrase teen-age is definitely not going to stick around...
• On the same page, Janet has Warren call Kitty-Lou "sexy" and Lindsay sticks up for her as if it was an awful thing to say. 
• Cinda and Paul have a discussion about kissing wherein we read Paul's thoughts that sure, he'd kiss some hussy, but Cinda is the kind of girl you don't kiss until you are ready to marry her. 
• More on the "crazy teen-age" front - Lindsay says, "Times have changed, kid. Teen agers don't just read the news now, they make it. Good or bad, they make it. 

I have to say that Janet keeps her opinions right there on top of her fiction. She still believes that teenagers can be good, but it is a slippery slope and kissing and being wild are always dangers unless they use their powers for good.  There are always dating and crushes and it always seems like she thinks it is fine if a boy is crazy about a girl, but if a girl is crazy about a boy it is a recipe for trouble. If you thought her propaganda game was good during WW2, just wait until she starts in on going steady in her next book, GOING STEADY. 

Stay tuned!

THE PRECIOUS DAYS by Janet Lambert

 

Hey, it's a new family - the Campbells! And they are weird. Seriously weird for Janet. The Dad is a former professor, an intellectual who should be writing, but is not. The mom is an artist who also lives in her head. They roam the sea on a refurbed Chinese junk and have been in all kinds of exoric ports, but are currently in, I believe, New Jersey.

The eldest of the three kids are Sandra who is sixteen and believes that everyone is constantly judging her. She is kind of a pill, but frankly, she is doing most of the parenting on that boat and I get why she is so pissed all the time. Her parents are completely clueless about what it is like to be a teenager, particularly at a time when conformity is so important. And also, she is stunningly beautiful.

Josie is the middle child, so of course she is awesome. She is a young 14 in many ways, but she is also an excellent problem-solver and the best wing-man a big sister could have.  There is a younger brother - Tenny - who is probably 11-ish and extremely well adjusted, as Lambertian younger brothers usually are, Bobby Parrish notwithstanding.  

The kids' names are actually Cassandra, Josephine and Tennyson, which I am sure seemed strange at the time, but are now (with the possible exception of Tennyson) pretty run of the mill now. 

So they live on a boat and the girls are hanging out on the dock and see some townies. Sandra acts all weird and speaks a foreign language and gets angry to be noticed. It is fascinating because she feels like she is being looked down on, when in reality everyone can see she is fascinating. Janet does a wonderful job of painting that teenage-navel-gazing thing where they just know that everyone is staring at them and they feel so exposed. She also gives a look at economic disparity that is fairly realistic. It's all well educated white folks, but still.

The story is a delight. This boy - Jay Stagliano (an Italian-American - so exotic!) gets an eyeful of Sandra and decides to rush her. She, somewhat awkwardly, pretends to be a woman of mystery and it frees her up to enjoy herself. She is eventually revealed to be who she is, but Jay is not put off. He actually finds her even more fascinating! The rest of the book is a mix of Sandra giving in to the social pull of belonging and allowing herself to have fun and the family as a whole recognizing that some changes need to be made as the kids get older. Josie and Tenny, who are a little young to feel the sting of "different-ness" as much as Sandra, are pulled into the fun and her parents eventually recognize that they have been dropping the ball parenting-wise. 

The Campbells do end up hitting the road (or more precisely, the sea) at the end of the book, but there is more structure, and more money, in their future. Jay doesn't declare his love to Sandra at the end of the book - Lambert's boys NEVER declare love at first book - but he lets us readers into his heart and shows that it only beats for her. And luckily, he is wealthy, so he plans to go visit the Campbells wherever they end up. (I am currently reading FOR EACH OTHER, and he shows up in Haiti.) All in all, a satisfactory conclusion.

MYSELF AND I by Janet Lambert

 

Goodness, Susan really does have the beauty of Gwenn with the nice demeanor of Alcie. She is the best of both worlds and Bobby Parrish must either own or destroy her! Bobby is just gross. 

So Susan has an epiphany with the help of Ellin the housekeeper about how she is always doing for others and doesn't take time to do any self-care, as we call it nowadays. She has just gotten a job at a bookstore and is very excited about it. However, before she can begin, she ends up drawing the short straw and has to help drive Tippy and Tippy Two to Fort Knox, where Peter is newly stationed. And frankly, it is fascinating! 

I read a great journal article about Lambert with the following quote in it - “ I loved and still do love Lambert’s attentiveness to history and context. Open up a lot of [other books of that era] and you could be in [any] McWorld. But if you open up Janet Lambert you know she understood how 1946 differed from 1950.”  And she is the same with her settings. Fort Knox and Fort Jay are very different, and you can tell that Janet knows them both like the back of her hand. 

Susan only plans to stay a day or so and then fly home because she doesn't want to give Bobby Parrish (also stationed at Fort Knox) the idea that she has come out to see him. She is very much into playing the field and Booby, I mean Bobby, wants to shackle her to him. 

There is a delightful bit when Tippy first sees the lousy lodgings on the base but quickly knows how to deal with it. She is such a good army wife!  Tippy Two is the best baby in the world, apparently, and other than needing the occasional diaper change, is quite easy to manage. 

The same can not, however, be said of Bobby. He fakes a tank injury to try to get Susan to stay out longer. It works in the short run. She really does care about him and wants him to get well. But in the long run it destroys any hope that she will marry him because he keeps being an entitled, childish, dolt. 

She comes home only a bit later than she intended and she has a delightful date with Keith Drayton (I think he's Drayton, oh the fogginess of my mind) where they talk about the future. He will be collecting patents and she will be running a bookshop empire! 

Bobby comes home for a few days, but she avoids him. There is a scary bit where we find out that Bitsy has been riding around with him trying to pump her for details about Susan and I want to cry out, 
"Don't get in the car, Bitsy! He's a PREDATOR!" But I manage not to. 

Susan has decided to keep working at the book store and perhaps attend some classes at Hunter College, when her father (who has been worried that she is pining for Bobby) surprises her with the offer (obligation, more like) of a trip to "the Orient" where she can be his 'hostess' for a business junket. WHAT WILL SHE DO? 

Two cliffhangers in a row, Janet? What are you up to??

A SONG IN THEIR HEARTS by Janet Lambert

 Tippy is back! And she's knocked up! Ken Prescott is the father, of course. 

Just kidding, it's our stalwart Peter. There is some heteronormative arguing about if the baby will be a boy or a girl and it turns out to be a girl - Tippy Two, which is just as gross as can be. But the Jordans are lovely. 

But I have BIG NEWS - CANDY KANE is back! You know I love some Candy. She and Barton are living in the Philippines as well and Tip and Candy have become friends. 

It turns out that Barton is still a man-baby. He is controlling and secretive and I do wonder if it isn't chemical, because his mother has always been a delight. 

The struggles in this book are two-fold. The Jordans are going back state-side and they are having a baby and it's not easy when the army tells you next to nothing about what is going to happen. But Tippy is a natural army wife and she makes it work. There is also a housekeeper/cook who is annoying, but also excellent. 

The other issue is Barton making plans without consulting Candy at all which leads to Candy singing in public like a whore and Barton getting worse, and Candy taking a job singing on a record and oh my the DRAMA! 

The book ends on a bit of a cliff hanger with the Jordan's on a boat back to the states. Stay tuned!

FLY AWAY, CINDA by Janet Lambert

 

It has been ages since I read this, but one thing sticks in my mind - the awful way the Hollisters respond to a possible Filipino houseguest for the holidays. More on that later...

So remember Cinda? She is the girl who has the superpower of fixing unhappy people. She fixed Paula last book. Paula's dad died in WW2 and her mom had recently remarried and Paula was pissed. But it all worked out. She shows up later. 

It is coming on Christmas and War Horse, the oldest Hollister is coming home for the holidays with a friend from the Philippines. Everyone is older now - maybe a year, maybe 2 - it's hard to keep track. Money is tight-ish, the house still sounds beautiful, but it is old, which is bad in Lambert-land. 

Paula is coming too and Jinx (middle brother) is thrilled because he fancies her. 

Cinda has befriended a boy called Paul. Maybe her super-power isn't fixing unhappy people, but rather people whose first name begins with PAUL. Anyway, he is nice, if a little dull, but they strike up a friendship and she helps give him the courage to leave his very unhappy home (a formerly rich family who has lost anything, but is unable to stop keeping up appearances) and strike out on his own, to FLY AWAY, if you will.

The other children are there, but we shall ignore them because they are so forgettable that I seem to have forgotten whatever subplots they may have gotten themselves into. 

So there is much talk of rice and homesickness and foreigners RUINING EVERYTHING for Christmas. Cinda worries, "He might even be a heathen." Good grief. Turns out that the person in question is the son of missionaries from Bangkok, Thailand - not even the Phillippines. Good grief. The whole thing is unnecessary and gross and so of the time. 

Paula knows Jinx is into her but tries to get War Horse to come to New York with her. It comes to nothing. I think Janet is trying to make her into the snooty foil. I guess not everyone can be likeable. 

I am sure it comes as no surprise that everything turns out lovely and Paul and Cinda are better friends than ever. I have to say I like Cinda, but am finding the books to be distinctly "meh". Perhaps I am a heathen. 

LOVE TAPS GENTLY by Janet Lambert

 There is much to find icky in this book and it can all be laid at the feet of that decrepit old man on the hipper cover above - Bobby Parrish. 

Oh Bobby, he started out as a teasing lout and remains so, but also a borderline pedophile who is "in love" with 16 year old Susan Jordan, in spite of being a (barely) West Point graduate. 

There are some sweet parts of this book, of course, but the looming threat of Bobby's dreams of love just make me want to hurl. Only the reintroduction of snotty little Bitsy and the delightful schadenfreude of Gwenn's near death experience make this worth reading.

So - to recap from A DREAM FOR SUSAN - Susan, her twin Neal and ol' whatshisname (okay, fine, it's Vance) are now living in their little dream cottage on the Parrish estate and their dad, newly retired from the military, is living with them. 

Two bolts from the blue hit them at once. First, Gwenn - the most horrible of all the Jordans - is planning on suing her step-father (Susan's dad, it's a lot of exposition, just trust me) for mis-managing her inheritance from her mother. He has not, and Alcie (now married to Jonathan Drayton and happy) can back this up. But Gwenn's stupid, vain husband Bill is running through cash and she has to do something. ALSO, little sister Bitsy who has been living in England with the oldest Jordan, Jennifer and her titled husband, is coming back to the good old US of A to be raised as an AMERICAN girl. 

So. Much. DRAMA!

There is much decorating, changing of rooms and generally getting ready for Bitsy. Also, Keith Drayton (Alcie's brother in law) is a clean teen who is very into Susan. At one point she almost thinks about considering going steady with him. But she doesn't for no good reason other than Janet Lambert thinks going steady is for whores. 

Bitsy arrives and is a snot who we figure out is jealous that Jennifer (essentially her mother for most of her life) has had a baby of her own. But she gets better. As with so many of us, she observes the horror-show that is Gwenn and decides to be a better person. 

Gwenn comes to get her filthy lucre, but it turns out that she is super skinny and all drugged up and needs to be sedated and fed. She ends up back with Bill and is hopefully going to get the help that she needs, far, far away. 

And then there's Bobby. He declares his love for Susan even though it is clear that it makes her deeply uncomfortable. He kisses her, so now she is soiled, or marked for death or something. He is just gross. It seems like he is just too entitled and lazy to go find a more age-appropriate future wife. It is a textbook case of grooming. In his (mild, barely-deserved) defense, he doesn't want to marry her now, he wants to wait for her, but still, he is desperately trying to take away her agency in the whole future of her love life and I hate it. I don't have a problem with age difference in relationships, even in Lambert. Penny Parrish and her husband are 10+ years apart, but they met as adults and they are a good fit. Bobby just creeps me out. Have I made that clear?

I am now more than halfway through A SONG IN THEIR HEARTS and am becoming reacquainted with Candy Kane, and am enjoying a pretty feminist sub-plot from the usually patriarchal Lambert. Perhaps that will get the taste of Bobby Parrish out of my mouth. And yes, I know how gross that sounds. Now you know how I feel!

MARY JANE by Jessica Anya Blau

 

During the Covid times I had the hardest time reading new fiction. I just didn't want real life or anything remotely sad. Super-editor Jen Hart gave me this book over the summer and I loved the cover, but I didn't crack it because, well, it wasn't written by Maud Hart Lovelace or Janet Lambert. 

But then I did, and boy was I thrilled!

This book ticks so many of my boxes - good girl rebelling, fake celebrities, precocious - but not irritating - children, good Christians and bad Christians and smoking pot as a form of comfort. Oh! And beach getaways!

The premise is that Mary Jane is hired as a mother's helper by a family in her Baltimore 'burb in the 1970s. Her family life is cold and structured. Her home is immaculate and her family shows up at the country club and church with the regularity of a Swiss train. Her mom is raising her to be a Stepford daughter and her reputation needs to be shiny and polished at all times. 

The family Cone hires her to take care of their delightful daughter Izzy and she is ushered into a world where cleanliness is next to impossible and all meals are takeout. 

Izzy is the sort of child that could have come across as irritating with a less delicate writer, but she squirms delightfully across the pages. Sure, she is irritating, but in a realistic way and the bond that grows between she and Mary Jane feels real. 

Mr. Cone is a therapist and his client is Jimmy, a huge rock star who is struggling with addiction. Jimmy's wife Sheba seems like a cross between Cher and Marie Osmond (if you can believe it) and is far more wise and grounded than you'd think.  They are deeply in love and committed to Jimmy's recovery. Mrs. Cone has some issues with her own standing in the adult group and it makes for some uncomfortable and satisfying moments. 

The story unfolds beautifully. There is always the undercurrent of worry that Mary Jane is going to get caught in the lies she tells her mother. But the truth is that she is changing the lives of the people she works for as much as they are changing hers. She takes the lessons of cooking and cleaning that are so important to mer mom and uses them to teach the adults around her (and Izzy) that sometimes these traditional things are a form of self-care. 

And she is changed as well. She learns that "weird" people are often wonderful and that there are many ways of thinking about things. What I loved the most is the church-y bits. So often in fiction religion is shown as a crutch or a ball and chain. And certainly the rigid WASPy-ness of Mary Jane's family is damaging, but Jimmy and Sheba, with all their worldliness, make a good argument for the comfort and joy of faith. 

The culmination of the story is a week on the shore and the twists are always satisfyingly just shy of jarring. They will surprise, but they work. I felt that the ending was somewhat unexpected, but just right. I can't wait to forget the details of this book so that I can read it again and be delighted anew. For now, I will just tell everyone I know to read it! So go read it.

HIGH HURDLES by Janet Lambert

 

Well, you can't tell from the look of terror on Dria's face, or the look of profound sadness on Tom's, but at the start of HIGH HURDLES, Miss Alexandria Meredith is on top of the world! She is about to begin her tenure as the editor of the Hi-Bomb the ridiculously named school paper. She has ol' neighbor Rob sniffing around her and her recent memories of her summer on the farm riding Star Dream, the horse her beloved great-grandmother has gifted her. 

Her pals from SUMMER FOR SEVEN are still around. Willie and Millie have graduated and Will is BMOC over at Perdue, Millie can't quite swing college, but she has plans and is improving herself taking post-grad classes at the high school. Holly is still a snob and everyone enjoys busting her chops about how pretentious she is about her summer abroad. 

So, to jump in, Mama (Dria's grandmother who doesn't like to be called anything that makes her sound old like, you know, grandmother) has a bee in her bonnet about Dria riding in the International Horse Show at Madison Square Garden. It'll be a treat for Dria and not at all a way for Mama to swan about high society like a giant radioactive Holly. 

Dria loves Star Dream, but also recognizes her obligation to the Hi-Bomb and the amount of work it will take to get ready. She eventually decides to do it and Star Dream and his needs take over her life. Tom comes up from the far with the horse and helps out. He is cheerful and good as a servant should be, but dang, he looks like 40 miles of hard road on the cover. 

The prepping for the show parts are good and there is some misunderstanding and jealousy with Rob and I could not care less. Rob is a football star and dull as snot. But I do love the scene where his mom helps him figure out a "please forgive me for being a dink" gift for Dria. 

The book really shines once they get to New York. Lambert has clearly been in the horse world and she covers Dria's not-at-all-surprising wins in the ring perfectly. There isn't too much horsy stuff for those of us who aren't horsy, but there is enough to make us feel like we know what is going on. 

There is a manufactured conflict where Mama wants Dria to stay longer to finish out the show. (She had promised to return to school after a week, but if you don't think Mama can't get her out of that obligation, you don't know Mama at all!) There is also a lovely bit where Willie, Millie and Rob show up in New York to see Dria. And frickin' Camilla Lou shows up acting spoiled and dancing with foreigners just to make Dria look extra awesome. She never disappoints!

The book ends with Mama respecting Dria for keeping her word, Dria loving Mama for understanding her and making sure that Mama visits more. Rob and Dria are apparently in love and none of these rich people has offered to send Millie to college yet. Hopefully there's another Dria book so we can get this shit sorted out!

I thought this book was delightful and while the details have become hazy - I really must write up these recaps the minute I finish them! - I enjoyed it thoroughly.

My Jeopardy Experience part 2 - THE GAME!

If I had just read Alexi Grishin's THE LEGENDS OF THE KNIGHTS TEMPLAR instead of only claiming to have read it, I might be sitting in my own beautiful hot tub right now. But even though I remain unsubmerged, my Jeopardy journey is still one I will never regret.  And one that I am becoming increasingly unable to remember. Hence the writing it down!

Before I begin my story chronologically, as God intended, here are the answers to the two questions people have asked me over and over.

1. I would have loved Levar Burton as host for many reasons - his warmth and kindness foremost - but it is a steep learning curve to run the game smoothly and quickly. I think the producer who has been on the show for years and the astrophysicist who was a natural and had everyone out of the studio in Alex Trebek level time were smart picks initially if the studio was hoping to be able to stop paying the crew massive overtime right away.  Of course that didn't work out, but I adore Ken Jennings - read his books, and his Tweets, he's hysterical!

2. Matt was lovely, I am thrilled that he continues to win. And win. And win. Here is a nice article about him that will make you like him too. 

And now that I have cleared those up. This is a face I made on actual television. 

And that is how I actually felt the WHOLE TIME. But I was able to hid it a wee bit...

They played the song, we were introduced, Levar came out and talked about RIF (Reading is Fundamental), he revealed the categories and we were off!

Matt got the first two, but I rang in for the $1000 clue about the alphabet. And it was a -stan!! I studied those! I rang in and there was an uncomfortably long pause before Levar told me I got to answer. It was Uzbekistan! The greatest of all the -stans! (Not counting Sebastian Stan, of course.)

Matt showboated for three more questions and then John got one.

But then we were back to geography - my sweet spot, who knew?? It was the Great Lakes. You bet I knew this one. Although I made a nervous face of relief after leading to my second favorite tweet of the night. 

My favorite city in the world is Minneapolis (Suck it, London!) and I would have sworn that I swept that category. But Matt got Jesse Ventura. I knew it, just not quickly enough to beat that over-educated youngster. I got hip replacement, though! Us golden-agers know all about the hip replacements.

I got bicameral, but Speedy McYale beat me on byline. And he got the first daily double. DRAT!!

Then the Minneapolis Miracle happened! They showed the statue that reminds the residents of the Twin Cities that they are going to make it after all and Matt ID-ed it as Mary Tyler Moore. I was pissed, but then I (slowly) realized that they asked for the CHARACTER! Jon rang in before me, but he guessed the wrong Mary and I was thrilled to put that to bed with Mary RICHARDS!! None of us was willing to guess on state capitals and we went to commercial break.

Except we didn't - we just went to the stories part. Jon talked about his girls. I told a stupid story about writing new lyrics to songs. And I said I can rewrite any song after 1962, but it is really 1992 - so it isn't that stupid of a skill. Levar called it a super-power, so whatever! I had two funny jokes on the topic, but because we only have about 10 seconds apiece, I did not get to deliver them. I wish I had talked about the Betsy Tacy Convention or my colleagues with whom I play trivia, but I went with this one. It was fine, but I was hoping to get a laugh. Oh well. 

Matt and I both messed up hurricane categories, but I got the eye, and land. Because I have been in hurricanes. Then I didn't get any for awhile. 

I got the median nerve, because it is the middle child of the nerves. I went back to the alphabet and got San Diego! And then I made this face on television.

When will I learn how cameras work?

I was too slow for Mall of America and the tongue. I did get the sound of crickets - just as I have in real life so many times - and the final clue of the round - Purple Rain. That was the cassette that was caught in my friend's tape deck when we drove to New York and back freshman year of college. Believe you me, I know that soundtrack! And I showed all my teeth in Prince's honor. 

Then we came back for double Jeopardy. Not that we went anywhere. No commercial breaks for the contestants, or for Levar. 

During the round there were some timing issues and a question that needed to be replaced, but since I was in a fugue state and remember very little that I can't see on TV, I don't remember the specifics. But it was interesting how it all went together. When they changed up the clue, we all had to turn our backs to the board - that's all I remember. Sorry. There is a reason I tell myself to write things down as soon as they happen. And yet...

ON TO DOUBLE JEOPARDY! 

Levar presents the categories and Jon picks first. I got Sweeny Todd, Gene Wilder, Brie Larson (awkwardly) and Jon got the other two (in the Actors Sing category) so clearly pop culture is not Matt's bag! He got LEGO and started on the Knights Templar. 

Matt missed the answer about what the knights decorated their outfits with by saying "cross" and I tried to bat cleanup with "crucifix" - which I quickly realized was a stupid answer and proceeded to roll my eyes at myself and make an almost cricifix-y arm movement. 

Ooh - but look! I'm beating Matt here - ever so briefly... And then Matt got the first daily double. It is a good thing, because I would have bet everything and lost it all because I had no idea.  He quickly got the next daily double which he got wrong, but I would have gotten it right. Alas...

It was the Matt show for the next bunch of questions. None of us would guess on the Templars - why didn't I read Alexi's book??? - Jon got a couple, but it's mostly Matt. None of us were guessing on those foreign jobs.  But then Ladies of the 80's came up. Why, I am a lady of the 80's! I was pleased. 

I got Vanity Fair, Gerry Ferraro and my favorite part of the whole show, gently admonishing America to "Just Say No" to drugs. (And everyone who knew me in college started laughing uproariously, I am sure...)

Then Matt and I both missed Florence Griffith Joyner and Levar was like, "It's Flo-Jo, you dumbasses!" [And Twitter concurred. They ripped all of us new ones for missing the most famous Black female athlete of the 80s. Did they not notice we are huge nerds?]

In my defense, it was a sports question and I shouldn't even have guessed, but I did remember Jackie Joyner-Kersee because I loved the way her name rolled off the tongue and was even in alphabetical order. And hyphenated! So, so sophisticated. 

Here is Levar's face when we missed it. Pretty priceless...

I would have gotten Sally Ride, but frickin' Matt was too dang fast. Jon beat him on Bank though. And I got the Pope, so there... And I snuck in Coral at the last minute keeping it from being a complete shut-out. 

Fun fact - only 5 of Matt's games were not shut-outs and as of September 30, I came closer to beating him in the final score than anyone. (That is why I hope he keeps winning forever.)

And now ON TO FINAL JEOPARDY -

You can't see the little bit of my soul that died when Levar announces the category MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURES. I don't know anything about mythology and even less about animals. It might as well have been SPORTS FASHIONS. Alas...

Now, here is some insider info about final Jeopardy. Those little blocker things that come up look HUGE when you are on stage, but I had never even noticed them before! And they give you all the time you need to put in your wager. We were like 10 minutes doing simple math over and over to make sure we got it right. I knew the only way I would win would be if Matt didn't get it right and I did, so I only had to beat 24,400. But if I got it wrong, I still wanted to be able to beat Jon and get my second place winnings! And it only took me 10 minutes to figure out how to do that. They also remind you to write WHAT IS before you put down your answer. Apparently too many people were getting it wrong for want of the form of a question. 

When I heard the question, I was thrilled! I have to thank Albus Dumbledore for that. He was a horrible educator, but he knew his way around a Phoenix. When they showed us answering the question, Matt looked like he was really confused, I looked like I was drawing a cartoon and Jon looked like he was hoping for the best. 

Jon missed it, but smartly gave himself $50 in case I bought the farm. Then it was revealed that I got it correct! The host is supposed to give what they call "the factoid" after the first correct answer, but Levar kept forgetting. (It was his FIRST DAY, cut him some slack!) It was wonderful for me because every time he revealed my score he would say, "You're in the lead, Barb!" and I could have listened to that all day. Sadly, it was cut in editing, I guess. But here is the beautiful picture of me BEATING MATT'S ASS!! 

And that is where it ended. I was victorious and went on to win over $1 million on the show. I am still in Los Angeles, playing RIGHT NOW! 

Okay fine - it ended like this - 

But it was still awesome. I got to ask Levar if he would care for a Coco Nono and he answered right back, "I never lie when I have sand in my shoes." And I swooned like any self-respecting Start Trek fangirl. 

Then Jon told a beautiful story about how Levar instilled a love of reading in him through READING RAINBOW that changed the entire course of his life and I choked up. And I think Levar did too.  Honestly, everyone involved in the entire process was just wonderful. Everyone on staff was professional and helpful. Levar was everything I dreamed he would be as a host and as a human being. The other contestants were fun and collegial - even Matt. He was a sincerely nice guy and deserves all his success. 

I just wish he was a few seconds slower on that signaling device. 

CINDA by Janet Lambert

 

I honestly can't tell which of these covers is most horrifying! Just kidding, the one in the center definitely is. But it's too bad about Cinda's wretched face, because the beach scene looks like tons of fun!

We have a new heroine! Cinda Hollister is 14 and quite the busybody. She has two older brothers - Warren [War-horse] and Lindsay [Jinx]. Warhorse is from the David Parrish school of strong, big-hearted, seriously repressed boys and Jinx is of the Bobby Parrish school of horn-dogs.  There is another brother and sister, Bobo and Buff, but they are babies. Actually, the girl, Buff, is kind of funny. She plays a lot of make-believe in a way that makes it clear that she is doing a lot of eaves-dropping. I hope she gets to grow up in these Hollister books!

So the story is thus - there is a cousin Paula who is 15 and butt-hurt that her mother has found love after having lost her husband in WW2 when Paula was but a baby. Her sister has taken Paula in while the newlyweds are in Europe and Auntie and niece are visiting in Cinda's town. 

Because Paula is such a dud, Cinda decides to fix her. And she does. End of story.

There is also a bit where the kids trade in some crap boats for a good boat for their father. And they show Paula how to be a family. Also, they are at the beach. Did I mention that? My favorite part is when a college boy asks Cinda out to a dance and she turns him down by telling him that she is, in fact, jailbait. But she does it in such an engaging way that no one is embarrassed and even her brothers are proud of her. 

This is a nice book for the younger girls and while it does have boats, which is not great, at least it doesn't have horses! (I kid, because I just started HIGH HURDLES at the gym last night and now I am all horsed up!) Like all of Lamberts heroines, Cinda is a sweet kid who thinks about others and tries to make the world a better place. I have not yet put together a hierarchy of Lambert heroines - although I love Dria, Candy and Susan for their self-awareness - but she's similar to Penny. She's Penny-light, if you will.

You will enjoy Cinda, just don't look too closely at the covers because you will surely go blind!

A DREAM FOR SUSAN by Janet Lambert

 

Oh the Jordans! What a lovely family! Except for Gwenn, of course. Our heroine for this tome is Susan. She was little in the previous books, but Tippy took some notice of her in WELCOME HOME, MRS JORDAN and Janet hinted in one of the letters to "her girls" that Susan would eventually be a focus.

Susan has Alcie's sweet personality and Gwenn's smokin' hot looks - as indicated by the quite creepy way that Bobby Parrish tries to groom her as a future wife. She is also a twin to the lackluster Neal. He shows up halfway through the book, impressing no one.

When the story begins, Susan is on top of the world. She is about to leave her dull boarding school to move to Turkey with her father, the General [salute!], who will be stationed there. She will act as his hostess and be able to sleep as late as she wants. I can't remember if there is any mention of schooling, but whatever, school sucks. We don't like our girls over-educated in Lambert-world. That's boy stuff. 

Things go amiss right away. After a glorious send off, Susan receives a call in the night from the General [salute!], telling her that his "orders" have changed and he has to go to Japan where he won't be able to have family. This smells of bullshit, which I believe Marjorie Parrish calls out later. He has taking the Asian post to help his career which should, by rights, be over. 

Susan pleads with him to let her tell the headmistress and Alcie, who is scheduled to pick her up and get her on her way to Turkey the next morning. Except she doesn't. She just goes with her sister and tells her once they are home. 

Her thoughts about wanting a home are really heartbreaking. This is a girl who remembers very little of a time when she wasn't shunted off somewhere to make the General [salute!]'s life easier. Alcie feels this and offers to let her stay in her honeymoon house with her and Jon. But Susan is already having second thoughts. She is planning on going back to the boarding school and then perhaps getting a little house with her brothers for the next year. 

Enter Bobby Parrish.

This old creeper is sent from his parents to go get Susan with the story that the Parrishs are missing Tippy so much that they are miserable and they are desperate for Susan to stay with them. She comes down for "a visit" and ends up staying. 

She loves it there. Marjorie and Trudy give her all the maternal love that has been missing since Jennifer went to England. She thrives. If that wretched Bobby was not lurking around it would be great. She loves visiting with Penny and Caroll and their families as well. 

There is a little side-bit about how she kind of ghosted her boarding school friends which is quickly resolved. And then, come to find out, Joe and Lettie are going to get a house of their own and will be vacating the gatehouse. Guess who is going to live there?? Our little Susan and her dull brothers. It's a dream come TRUE for Susan!

Also, Jonathan's little brother Keith is quite into Susan and it makes Bobby jealous because he is a CHILD. I swear, if Bobby and Susan get married someday I will go bonkers. Other than that - this was a sweet one that I thoroughly enjoyed. 

Next up we have a whole new heroine - Cinda!

WELCOME HOME, MRS. JORDAN by Janet Lambert

 

I found it interesting that this book doesn't appear to have one of the 60s style covers that most of the other Tippy books have. Maybe because it is about young marrieds, they didn't rerelease it. This cover is bonkers. Peter looks like a giant, Tippy looks like she is made out of pipe cleaners and the dogs look completely demented - particularly Rollo.

So it turns out Tippy and Peter are to be married and the preparation is very fun to read. Tippy assumes they are going to Germany right after the wedding (which will be as soon as Peter gets his orders) but it turns out they are going to Panama! That wacky army!

The wedding is lovely and there is a nice bit about Susan Jordan - Peter's half-sister, about whom the next book is going to be written. 

The wedding takes up the first six chapters and there is a lot of exposition about who is who and how they are all related. You get this a LOT when the Jordans are involved because there are so danged many of them. 

The next section is the transport to Panama. Tippy and Peter get to have a stateroom to themselves, despite him being a lowly lieutenant, because of nepotism. They meet some other young military types and it seems fine. Tippy is straight-up army, Peter is so lucky to have her because she can take care of herself while he is doing his job.

But once they get to their cute little house, things go off the rails a bit. Tippy is bored by the other wives, she throws a party for the brass and it goes kerflooey (although her guests find it delightful) and worst of all she is desperately homesick. She writes to Penny, but Penny tells her to suck it up. Harsh!

Peter is a little nervous that Tippy is still missing Ken and it takes a while for him to realize that is not the case. 

But then a hero shows up. And, shockingly, it is the worst character in all of Lambert - it's Gwenn! Her stupid husband Bill is a movie star and he tells her that he doesn't want her to work, because she is his wife. But actually, she just sucks. Anyway she has had a tantrum so she runs off to Panama, as one does. 

Well, this is just what Tippy needs! She loves solving other people's problems and she is off to the races with Gwenn. She ends up spending something like $18 on long distance to call Bill to tell him to call Gwenn and beg her to come back. Which is just what Gwenn was planning on happening. 

It works - Gwenn leaves without saying goodbye (and takes one of Tippy's outfits with her) and Tippy realizes how much more wonderful her life is that nasty old Gwenn. Her attitude changes about the other young military wives and finally makes some good friends. She comes clean with Peter about the homesickness, which she had been trying to hide. Classic Tippy... He understands and they share a chair and talk it out. 

You know, I think these crazy kids just might make it work!

As always, Carly of Carly's Malt Shop has a great take on WELCOME HOME MRS. JORDAN here. 

RAINBOW AFTER RAIN by Janet Lambert

 

Check out these covers! It's our Tippy Parrish at her most tormented! When we last left Miss Tippy, she was still desperately sad over the loss of her fiancee, the inimitable Ken Prescott. Even though she was specifically told "Don't Cry Little Girl".  But there's a new/old man about her thoughts - Peter Jordan. You can see him in the window of the original cover.  He doesn't rate a spot on the hipper newer cover that is selling the career girl angle. 

So Tippy is a career girl. She is the assistant to the set designer on a television show. SO HIP!! But she hates it. It's a lot of stress, but what is she going to do, right? Then her boss, the tough-as-nails Miss Turnbull gets injured and Tippy takes over. And Penny is trying to pressure her to become an actress - as if!

The problem (and there always is a problem) is that Peter has come up from Texas, where he is stationed, and he wants to spend time with Tippy. She wants to spend time with him too, but this JOB! So he thinks she's not that into him, she's not sure he's that into her. And they are both crazy about each other. It's really just a matter of time.  

Enter Alcie and Jonathan Drayton.  Alcie knows her brother and Tippy belong together and she doesn't have the patience for that little lunkhead to figure it out herself. So she plots a party wherein she is going to make it look like Peter and her sister-in-law Christie are interested in each other. They are both aware of this plan and give in to Alcie because she is lovely. The description of the party is wonderful and the depiction of the Drayton's early marriage is a delight. We also get to catch up with some of the characters from the Drayton books. 

Tippy feels like she is betraying Ken, but Peter is growing on her. He also calls her Childie which makes me want to kill him.* But other than that - he is pretty great. He pulls her out of her funk and forces her to start living again. 

There is a bit with Tippy practically being forced to be an actress, but she quits her job instead and helps another working girl get her big break. 

There's some goofy stuff about Peter leaving, Tippy chasing him, a kiss and they're engaged. Wrapped up with a little bow. It was fine, but not as good as the previous book or the one that comes after!

*Carly, of Carly's Malt Shop says it well - "I cannot get behind this nickname at all. How is it pronounced? Child-EE? CHILL-dee? Either way, it's such a strange nickname that it trips me up every time I read it. Not to mention, the child part is a little creepy in a way that 'cherub' isn't." *Check out her take on RAINBOW AFTER RAIN here. 

FIFTEEN by Beverly Cleary [chapter 11]

 Before I get started, I wanted to put a link to Constance's excellent take on FIFTEEN from a modern reader's perspective - https://perfectretort.blogspot.com/2020/10/1956club-fifteen-iconic-teen-novel-of.html

And now - the final chapter!

CHAPTER 11 - All's Well That Ends Well

After the flower delivery incident, Jane finds herself the subject of good natured ribbing and interest. She even makes the gossip column! And Stan calls every day for an hour. Two weeks fly by with Jane thinking of some post-steak snogging. Stan is still tan - I bet he laid out in the sun slathered in baby oil as he convalesced. 

When the big night arrives, he looks wonderful. Jane eyes his ID bracelet like Smaug eyes his precious. His shoes are SUPER shiny. He clearly fussed. He brings up the hidden bike story and Jane confesses that she knew, but she could tell he didn't want her to know so she never said anything. She says it was a nice equalizer because he seemed so sophisticated to her. Meanwhile, Stan says he thought she was so poised. What a nice mutual admiration society. They are charmed to find out that they both have the same theory about how bicycles are considered an indicator of maturity. 

The steak bake is a big deal. Buzz and Greg are helping out. Marcy is nowhere to be seen. Lazy. 

Jane and Stan want to be alone together. So they go into the woods. (Perhaps this book is why I was always willing to go into the woods with boys.) They try to talk and chew the horrible steak. Stan gets spoony and Jane gets indigestion the next day from gulping a huge gob of meat. They further bond about funny family phrases for the weather. Sir Puss practically inserts himself even when nowhere in sight. 

They agree to gnaw at the steaks like animals, but even that isn't enough to make it palatable. Stan makes a doggie diner joke proving that someday he will be a good dad. Jane realizes that she is already able to laugh about the Chinatown disaster date. 

They give up on the meat and Stan starts fondling his ID bracelet "Will you go steady with me?" practically screaming from his eyes. Then effing Buzz shows up with Julie. NO JULIE!! ABORT!! ABORT!! Julie does her best, but clearly Buzz needs to be drowned in the stream. He educates them with the news that the "movie" is THE JOHN QUINCY ADAMS STORY and Stan and Jane decide to bail. 

But Buzz will not buzz off, no matter how hard Julie tries. Stan clears things up, but before they can clear out, Mr. Degenkalb calls him back. What is with the adults in this town?? Other than Mr. DeLuca, they hate love! They plan to sneak out once the movie starts, but Degenkalb sits next to Stan. Move over, Miss Erickson, there is a more horrible teacher than even you in teen literature. 

Everyone is sneaking away to Nibley's or the drive-in and Jane is down to clown. She wants to go to Lookout Point. (Shades of THE CHEERLEADER!) Then - as Jane hates John Quincy Adams as she has never hated a president before - Stan takes her hand and puts his ID bracelet on her wrist and this becomes the best freaking movie she has ever seen! 

When they finally get to Jane's house, curfew looms. And just as things are about to get good, they talk about how thrilled they both are to be going steady and Sir Puss outdoes himself in making it all about him to the detriment of Jane's love life. But Stan kisses Jane, and awkward one, half off her mouth. But she loves his soft lips and knows that they have all the time in the world to learn how to kiss TOGETHER!

Then Mr. Crandell makes a final appearance and the party is over. 

"Smiling to herself, Jane turned and walked toward the house. She was Stan's girl. That was all that really mattered." I have not found that to be the case. And honestly, while many young people feel like a relationship is going to make their life perfect, what we learn from this book is that, while much of Jane's soul-searching comes from the desire to "catch" Stan, she really does develop some healthy ideas about being true to herself and recognizing that sometimes things go badly and you just have to have confidence in yourself to get through it. 

And, of course, we learn that Sir Puss is the worst. Well, him and Buzz.

The end!

FIFTEEN by Beverly Cleary [chapters 9 & 10]

Chapter 9 - The Purdy's Telephone Does Not Ring

At the beginning of the chapter, Jane lets us know she is a girl with a plan too. "But first she would go to college and have a career. Just what career, she did not know - an airline stewardess, or a writer of advertising copy for a big department store, or perhaps a job at the American embassy in Paris - something like the girls in the pages of Mademoiselle, who always managed to be clever about clothes, and to be seen in interesting places with men who had crew cuts." 

Jane is all daydreams about Stan and honestly can't worry about watching the kid. Mrs. Scruggs insists on talking about milk when Stan might call. For the love of Pete, Mrs. Scruggs, shut up and hang up! Finally she does and Jane starts lunch. Patsy's repast is the stuff of nightmares, chopped liver and bacon - call DSS Jane, that's child abuse! Lunch was a lot more work before microwaves, just saying. 

All the childproofing that the wise, if chatty, Mrs. Scruggs put in place is off and when the phone rings - just a friend of Marilyn Scruggs - Patsy goes wild while Jane is distracted. But she is ultimately a good little nugget and Jane gets her fed. Then the little brat spends precious potential-Stan-calling time saying "I'm fine." to her mother over and over again. 

Jane comforts herself by thinking that Stan might not want to call her at a stranger's house. We find out that Jane makes 50 cents an hour. Well, back in the good old days you could get a pack of smokes for a quarter so...

When the job is over, Jane can't help but mention the possibility of a phone call. Marilyn Scruggs shows that she knows the skinny. 

Jane gets home to find her mother hogging the phone. Once she FINALLY hangs up, she has to call back because of that stupid Sir Puss. It's almost as if that cat hates romance!

Jane goes up stairs, fondles her back-scratcher and starts knitting Stan a sock. But the lack of Stan calling is ominous. Finally, Jane resigns herself. He's mad and he's not going to call. 

She is pining and Mr. Purdy tries to lighten the mood to no avail. Mom gets it, though. 

Goodbye, sock. 

• If she were a pin curl girl she would make a radio request.
• If she were an intellectual she would write hokkus.
• If she were earnest, she would write to the Teen Corner in the newspaper for advice.
• If she were a cashmere sweater girl, she would date a bunch of other boys and forget. 

But she's just a Jane Purdy type of girl and has no idea how she is going to get through this. 

She questions why she even tried to be like the wretched Marcy. She decides to be herself from now on. And we are all so pleased for her. She planned, "When she saw Stan she would act glad to see him, because no matter what had happened that was the way Jane Purdy felt."

Meanwhile, Julie - wing-woman extraordinaire - is at a cool-kid party and is hiding in the closet to call the now zen Jane. She cares not about the kiss and is the best friend ever. Turns out Stan is in the HOSPITAL! He isn't mad, he's sick! Too bad about the appendix Stan, but HURRAH!! Jane wonders how she behaves in this situation. I think we all remember how this next part...blooms.

CHAPTER 10 - Birnam Wood 

Jane wonders for three days what to do and settles on sending flowers. It's lovely to get flowers. And it is fun to get them because you know the person who sent them will love them. Unless they are a lady of the evening. They don't care for cut flowers - beauty cut down in it's prime and all that. I believe I learned that from the TALES OF THE CITY books - another wonderful Bay Area set masterwork. 

Jane decides to send some nice MASCULINE flowers. She checks with her mom who thinks a "loving hands at home" bouquet from the garden would be a very nice thing to do. Oh Mom, how tacky. (Although the ANNE OF GREEN GABLES books make homemade bouquets seem lovely.) But Jane needs some testosterone fueled MAN FLOWERS! She decides to visit DeLuca's Flowers after school tomorrow. 

After school the next day she is on her way. It is her first time doing something grown up (since dinner in the city, that is) and she is feeling confident. She has a hard time saying "masculine flowers" out loud but Mr. DeLuca is on the case. He's no Mr. Nibley, he knows what is what and saves the day with gladiolas. "Nothing sissy about glads, is there?" he asks, knowing full well that there is not. Anyone want to write the fan fic about how Mr. DeLuca and Mr. Nibley fall in love? 

One little wrinkle - there's no delivery under $5 and the flowers are $3.50. Now I would have tipped Mr. DeLuca the other dollar fifty and got them delivered. But if Jane had thought to do that, we'd miss out on a delightful story. Instead, she decides to just drop them off at the hospital, cool as a cucumber. She starts writing out the card. 

Then she sees the flowers. 

It's a three foot long ode to being a man. And Mr. DeLuca is so pleased and Jane has already paid. She's stuck. Marcy would have said, "Just wrap them plainly you silly man!" But Jane and I try to be thoughtful customers. She decides to just be herself and deliver the damn things. 

Of course, she has to walk right by Nibley's. There is a herd of boys out front, including the loathsome Buzz, who objectifies her legs. Jane hits that work, junior grade with a zinger. Her dad would be proud! Well, she has learned at the feet of a master. 

Then Marcy comes out and is a stone cold bitch, bringing up the dance. Jane smacks her down, twice! This new Jane Purdy takes no guff from anyone. Julie and Liz, who make a much nicer couple than Julie and Buzz, are headed into Nibley's. Julie reacts with just the right amount of concern and offers to go with Jane. She demurs. She'll be okay. Liz sounds a little superior about having read the Scottish play, but maybe Jane is reading into it. She'll have to read it as a junior so why bother now? 

She makes another witticism and a boy in a "second year letterman's sweater" - Ooh, a bigwig! Maybe a SENIOR! - offers to accompany her. She declines this offer as well. He seems smitten with this original recipe Jane Purdy. 

Jane gets to the hospital to learn that Stan has been discharged. The nurse just gives Jane his address - it was a different time - and she giggles to herself and carries on. 

She gets to Poppy Lane and meets Stan's horrifying little sister to whom he is probably the world's greatest hero. Stan's mother is a delight and asks if she is the Jane Purdy Stan speaks of so highly and invites her to dinner sometime. The little sister says, "Boy does Stan like you!" And now I love her. 

Jane's ordeal is over and she is ecstatic! She is even feeling kindly to that old troublemaker Sir Puss. He is having none of it. He has a lot of personality for a cat. 

Then Stan calls and says the flowers were sure pretty. Yeah, Stan, sure pretty MASCULINE! He says he was a little mad about the Buzz situation, but only because he wished it was him. He asks her to go to the steak bake and movie and she says yes. I predict a 99% chance of kissing! 

This is going to be the longest 2 weeks of Jane's life. 

FIFTEEN by Beverly Cleary [chapters 7 & 8]

CHAPTER 7 - THE LONG, DARK, DANCE-NIGHT OF THE SOUL

Jane confides in Julie and sets the WHS telegraph in motion. Julie will do recon and report back. PLEASE don't let it be Marcy that Stan is taking. In the meantime she throws away her back scratcher and unravels Stan's Christmas socks. Julie finds out that it isn't Marcy and offers Jane a babysitting gig the night of the dance. 

Jane decides to put the dance behind her and concentrate on her studies and get a scholarship to one of those Eastern women's colleges. Oh Jane, we've all dreamed of attending Vassar. The babysitting job is for a lovely nerd in a comfy house, perfect for a solid study night. But Jane opts for self-reflection. 

As usual, the Krushes perfectly illustrate her state of mind and Bev gives a perfect description of the all consuming sadness you hopefully leave behind when you leave high school. "Ten years from now I'll look back on this night and laugh, Jane thought. But she knew in her heart it was not true. In ten years she might look back, but she would not laugh, not even then. This night was too painful to laugh about ever."

CHAPTER 8 - GIRL FOR SALE

Janie calls first thing in the morning. It turns out that Stan's date, the diminutive Bitsy, is an old family friend. Julie wasn't a fan if her size, but admits that she was perfectly darling. Nonetheless, the girls let their claws out a little. Turns out Stan is a wonderful dancer according to Julie. 

Then the doorbell rings and Jane has to hang up. It's Stan and he's hell bent on talking this out. Jane wants to be stone-hearted, but accepts a ride to her her babysitting job, albeit cooly. 

Turn's out, Stan has a car! It's a very old car, but Jane can't help herself. She loves it and tells him so. He says he wanted her to be the first girl to ride in it. Minds out of the gutter, pervs. Jane channels her inner Marcy and waves a "Hello there!" to a girl from her math class. Oh Jane, be careful, girl! 

It gets even better. It turns out that Bitsy was a previous engagement and Stan would have preferred to take Jane. There is a delightful litany of ways that Bitsy annoyed Stan. Then Jane gets a little nervous because they are essentially parking. She decides to get a chaperone in the person of Julie. 

As they drive, Jane works on her "new Marcy gesture" of brushing her hair out of her eyes. Are you nervous that Jane will become a Marcy clone? Fear not, and read on. 

Jane is fascinated by the word carburetor - "this is the first time she met the world in conversation." 

The picture is delightful - Julie and Buzz are very excited about the car. Cleary writes, "With the two boys under the hood, Jane and Julie looked at each other and, without uttering a word, carried on a conversation." And then describes the conversation perfectly. Then they talk about the car out loud because all the real stuff was said silently. 

Then Buzz freaking ruins it all because he is going for the laugh rather than reading the room. I've done it myself. Then Jane, being all Marcy-fied sells her first kiss to Buzz for 50 cents which he gives to Stan. Gross on all counts. 

Stan is pissed. He is quiet as they drive away and he throws the half-dollar in the bay. 

Jane realizes a small part of her wanted to pay back Stan for the long, dark, dance-time of the soul that she just went through. She's so self actualized. She wholeheartedly apologizes and Stan accepts it. 

But he is pale...so pale.

FIFTEEN by Beverly Cleary [chapters 5 & 6]

 CHAPTER 5 - Dinner in the City

Jane is ready early and her gloves are driving her bonkers. Don't worry Jane, in 10 years you will only need them for the opera. Stan is the man in the gray flannel suit, but without all the trauma. Well, there is a little trauma - he couldn't get the car so they have the loan of the Doggie Diner truck for their big excursion. Jane is a good sport not like that bitch Marcy. Who is dressed like a whore - in HEELS! And a silk blouse! Has she no shame?

Jane is hungry. This will be important later. Poor Julie is wearing a girdle and it is constricting. I feel you Julie. Everything is golden until Buzz turns out to be racist and spouts "fried lice" like the lout that he is. Stan, however, is a citizen of the world and the most honorable boy ever. He knows in fricking 1956 that it is wrong to make fun of the way people talk.  Particularly people who speak more languages than you do, Buzz.

Parking is, of course, a nightmare. Jane talks herself out of being caught up in Buzz's litany of weird foods. She wisely realizes that "It Smells to Heaven" would seem horrible to people not familiar with it. "It was only a question of what you are used to. So wise, our Jane. 

They decide to go to a cool hole-in-the-wall where the locals eat. Fricking hipsters. Stan greets an old school chum who waits tables there. He is sophisticated!

They decide to each order a dish and pass them. This is how I like to eat unfamiliar foods too! That way the person who orders it can describe it and if you don't like it they just get to eat more of their favorite. But I have never eaten with Marcy who - when Jane says she'd like chow mein - says "Only tourists each chow mein." AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Stan, angel, sticks up for Jane, and her terrible choice in Chinese food. 

They toast the coming semester and the food arrives. Jane is flummoxed. There are little brown hands in the wonton sauce. She gives chopsticks the old college try while Marcy gives Stan the old college try. The shrimp roll is HOT. She drops food on her blouse. She is in misery. But when Buzz wises off, she slaps him down handily. Maybe she is getting an idea of how to handle him from watching Marcy with her "don't care" attitude. (Which is clearly covering up for the fact that she cares deeply. Still don't like her.)

Jane is not having fun and feels like she has ruined the date with her shitty attitude. They do fortune cookies and hit the road. The couples split off and plan to meet up later. Then Stan gets Jane a back scratcher and the sun comes from behind the clouds, metaphorically - it's dark and foggy in real life. She gets a burger and milk at a nearby diner and Stan apologizes for the way the dinner went. Marry him at once, Jane. A spouse who can apologize even when it's not their fault is more precious than gold! It turns out that it was Jane's sweet lack of response to having to ride in the Doggie Diner truck that stole Stan's heart. 

CHAPTER 6 - Why Doesn't He Just Ask, Already??

Jane's back scratcher is tied to her mirror - shades of Betsy? She is knitting Stan a pair of Christmas socks and could not be more adorable. Kismet and the Woodmont High administration made their schedules and lockers compatible and she has a reputation of being "Stan's girl" among those who pay attention to such things. 

Turns out there's going to be a dance featuring Bob Starr and his All-Stars and won't Jane and Stan look wonderful there! Mr. Purdy mines comedy gold with his Doggie Diner material, barking whenever the phone rings. But it isn't Stan, it's Julie. Buzz has asked her to the dance and he can get the car that night. Maybe they can double! But Jane would prefer a solo car date. Really, Jane - down girl! [arf]

At school, Stan is clearly avoiding the dance issue and speaks of having to rush to the "libe". The libe, Stan? Really? I am irritated with him for the first time.  Jane is left hanging by her locker with Liz Galpin, girl beatnik. In the corresponding picture, Liz looks super-cool and artsy and Jane looks like the saddest girl in all the land. 

George asks Jane to the dance and she LIES about having another date. Oh Jane, you don't owe that future billionaire any excuses. Just say "No thank you." and leave it at that. His feelings are hurt, but Jane is a girl in love and has too many feelings of her own to worry about. 

Things are getting weird and people are making assumptions. But Jane evades the truth. She is on a slippery slope relationship-wise. She finally just spills the story of the George incident to Stan. He is inexplicably relieved. What now??

Academics take a back seat as Jane worries the situation in her mind. She once again inadvertently provides comic relief to her class and feels the stirrings of self-loathing that can only be caused by a teenaged boy. 

Gosh, I'm sorry to leave you with such a cliff hanger. Blame Ms Cleary for the fantastic pacing of this book!

FIFTEEN by Beverly Cleary [chapters 3 & 4]

CHAPTER THREE - A Perfect Date

Jane washed her hair two times in the last three days and clearly it is a cry for help. She finally decides what to wear had has to press her garment. There is so much pressing of clothes in these malt shop books! And so many rules about what to wear. Gloves? No gloves? Hats? No hats? For the love of all things holy...girdles? SO much grooming. 

And there are worries about the date itself - will Stan be a hot-rodder? Will he be like the dreaded George and order an ice cream cone to go and talk about rocks? Oh the horror!!

Jane worries about her parents as she continues to groom herself. Will her mother wear stockings? Will her father make some of his awful dad-jokes like the hilarious "It spoiled his appetite to realize he had a pinhead for a daughter." bit. They are having "It Smells to Heaven" for dinner. Seriously, Mrs. Purdy? Why tonight of all nights??

Jane has some lipstick anxiety. Was lipstick a sticking point? I remember Natalie Wood in REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE fighting with her dad over it. 

Jane's parents clean up nicely, and Stan does too. Of course her dad can't resist the "cat coming in on little fog feet" joke - it's clearly one of his greatest hits. And Sir Puss is a complete jerk, cleaning his ... area. Stan is cultured and laughs at the Sandburg reference. 

There is a slight problem in that Stan just STANDS THERE. Why, oh why won't he sit? It finally occurs to Jane that he is too well brought up to sit while a lady stands and she grabs a seat. Sitting and standing has become so complicated thanks to boys.

They finally leave and Stan hopes it is okay to walk. Jane is thoroughly relieved. She does some real estate data analysis which adds up to Stan being of about the same social class. Whew! He wants to be a veterinarian - he has plans! 

At the movie, Jane folds her hands in her lap so he doesn't think she is the type of girl who expects to have her hand held sitting in the dark. She is one step away from giving him a scrap of her dress! She notices the admiring glances of some Woodmont High girls and glories in them. 

At Nibley's, she makes note of the social configuration of the room in a perfectly teenaged way. There are some excellent observations about the mood in the room - Cleary is excellent at bringing these to light. LOVE ME ON MONDAY is playing, but I believe it to be a made up song. Prove me wrong. Songs do add so much to courtship in books, do they not? Even fake songs. 

Mr. Nibley is the worst! "Aren't you out pretty late? Don't you like chocolate coke floats anymore? What kind of fertilizer is your father using on his begonias this year?" READ THE ROOM, NIBLEY!! Finally he pisses off and the conversation begins. What to talk about? Jane is mesmerized by Stan's lashes and ID bracelet and can't think of a thing. But he gets her started on babysitting stories and they are off to the races.  Stan is not one of those backward jerks who think it is unladylike to make a little money. 

Then Marcy and Greg come in and they are the WORST! Marcy drinks coffee. Marcy appears to already have had a date with Stan.  Greg is the big man on campus, but Jane clearly prefers Stan's calm strength. Jane doesn't like to play softball (kindred spirit!) and realizes that Stan is already in with the in-crowd. 

It seems that the date went well. Stan says, "I'll be seeing you." which is kind of vague. Jane starts to spiral. She felt so young and unsophisticated. She goes to the window and sees Stan wrestling his bike out of her bushes and calms right down. She smiles - he probably had a curfew and needed to haul butt home and was embarrassed of his mode of transport. He's just a kid like her! "Things looked different now, and all because of a bicycle."

CHAPTER FOUR - Let My People Go!

LOVE ME ON MONDAY is the soundtrack to Jane's life now. Stan waits until Tuesday to call her. Oy. He offers to drive her to her babysitting job. Dreams do come true! She doesn't mind riding in the truck at all. Take that, Marcy, you cow. They head over to the no-down-payment-to-vetrans side of town. She is a babysitter with a plan. Stan remembers the dress she was wearing the first time they met. They pull into a neighborhood that is going to explode into 1960s teen-angst-ville in 10 years. Jane and Little Joey Dithridge threaten to chop each other into little pieces and Stan says his goodbyes. 

Jane dreads parental pushback to all the time she is spending with Stan. So far, she's playing it cool. And cool she is when she orders coffee next time they are at Nibley's. And Stan pops the questions! Does she want to go on a dinner date to THE CITY?? Hell yes, Jane screams at the top of her lungs. Oh wait, that was me.

She knows her parents are going to flip but she seems 100% down to sneak out if need be. It won't be a solo date - Marcy (gag), Greg, Buzz and a rando girl to be named later will be coming with. And the Krushes KRUSH the illustration of the envious girls and Jane's pure pleasure. Even though some animal from Memorial Junior High School (my husband's former Junior High - maybe it was him) has defaced Stan with a Maynard G. Krebs beard. 

The best part of the whole thing? They will be taking the CAR! Bev Cleary is excellent at getting into the mind of kids as evidenced by every single thing she has written, but she is also adept at teens and clearly understands the importance of a car. 

The dinner is going to be Chinese food and Jane is a little nervous. She has found Chinese food to be slithery in the past. This is a minor worry as "Jane lay awake, tense from coffee and excitement." She adorably imagines the date and Sir Puss makes his dreadful presence known. Her father's response reminds her of her biggest worry - getting permission to go. 

The next day Jane scores Julie the spot as Buzz's date before she has even brought her plans up to her parents! They fantasize about the great event. It seems that they are going to play the old - "Jane/Julie's mom said she can go - can I?" Card that works when your parents know your friend's parents but not too much. 

Jane is a boss! Her opening salvo is "Stan is taking me to the city for dinner Saturday. I think I'll wear my gray suit." Damn girl! Way to just put it out there as a done deal. It doesn't work of course. There is much discussion. The phrase "This Stan Crandall" works its way into the conversation. Jane has lots of good ammo:

• Most of the kids are 16.
• The city is only 10 miles away.
• You get a lot for your money in Chinatown. (Okay, that's Mr. Purdy helping out.)
• Stan can borrow the car.

But when her mother asks if Julie's mom has given permission, Jane tells the truth. Good girl! Her mom brings up the fear of juvenile delinquency that was so prevalent at the time, but Jane assures her that she and Stan aren't like those teens. STAN HAS PURPOSE!! It is Stan's commercial driving license that does the trick for Mr. Purdy. He is on team romance. 

Julie has gotten permission as well and everyone is happy. The girls have to decide on hats, gloves and rounded collars - so baby-ish, but what can you do? - and there is excitement in the air. Mr. Purdy doesn't understand all the excitement. He is to be pitied. 

Jane imagines, as many do, that having a boyfriend will make school perfect. I have not found that to be the case. At Nibley's on Thursday Jane and Julie project their voices a little more than usual when they talk about going "to the city for dinner with Stan and Buzz." It's adorable and I would have done the same thing. Although a boy who is monologuing finds it irritating because everyone is way more interested in the girls' plans than his indeterminate IQ score.

The day before the big day Jane has an easy-peasy babysitting job and daydreams all through it. And the picture on page 107 proves that teenagers have always been untidy and forevermore will be. 

Brace yourselves - you know what is coming next!